Where did the joy go?
Having a ‘busy’ life doesn’t mean a healthy happy one with genuine moments of real joy.
Women who have found themselves in the role of mother, nurturer, carer, organizer, home maker, family social co-ordinator, let alone juggling a job as well as countless other roles that require giving to others, are generally ‘busy’ and supposedly living a great life, but are they? This could also be said of men who have fallen into the pressures of being the family provider, have often let go of the agile, fitter more joyful version of themselves, almost accepting and grieving that their younger freer self is gone forever.
Am I avoiding myself?
Sometimes asking a new client about themselves, I find they are very quick to direct the conversation away from what it is they need and want. I believe this is because:
They define themselves via the role they play in other peoples lives.
They don’t feel they are deserving.
They don’t actually know because they have lost themselves.
Without realizing it, they are avoiding themselves and have lost touch with their own needs and ways to create joyfulness purely for a happy in the moment ‘moment’.
I have avoided myself for years!
I will qualify the above, by saying I have been one of these people and I have questioned where my joy went. However as my life has unfolded, I realize The MINDful MOVEment is both my joy and passion, and showing others simple steps to their own personal journey to joy, is clearly one of my lucky life purposes.
A Default Setting
Our default settings of behavior can be comfortable and routine and we all have them, in this case being able to recognize our default and starting to reset it is very daunting - prioritising self is a big one, but where do you start?
‘Oh I just realized I am always the bottom of the pile and somehow I never get to the bottom of the pile, everyone needs me and so I always prioritise them, that’s my default setting.‘
Being totally honest with yourself
I manage to gently steer a particular lady back to considering herself and examining what it is she needs, to feel some regular moments of joyfulness. She admits to me that as a child she loved to dance around the house to music. She can’t remember the last time she really felt pure joy in the moment for herself. Life has just become one demand after another and she wouldn’t even know where to start to create her own joy anyway. Her eyes are shiny with a tear that wants to roll down her cheek, but she is holding it together, because that is what she does . . . for everyone else.
Is there a blockage that can be unblocked?
Navigating the client in conversation gently back to themselves, sometimes checking in with their younger self can locate blockages. What is it that brought you joy as a child? A good example and I have heard this on many occasions is a new client opening up and sharing with me; ‘As a little girl I danced freely to music and did ballet classes, I remember feeling joyful and free but someone told me I was un-coordinated so I eventually stopped feeling self conscious and awkward. I actually love to dance with music, and I enjoy singing around the house when no one is around, but am too embarrassed to do it in public. I don’t feel there is a place I can go where people won’t judge me or I feel I am competing in some way with others. I am a bit overweight and have no confidence. I tell myself I will lose weight and get a bit fitter and then I will start doing something fun and physical for me, but somehow my default (as above) always takes over again.’
If any of this resonates with you, you may be interested in LifeART, an afternoon workshop to tap into changing your default and unblocking your opportunity to create, feel and be truly joyful at any age and stage in your life. First LifeART Workshop is coming up next Sunday 10 Sept & 11 Nov.
Bookings and more info at www.lifeart.space
Andrea Gaze 3.9.17
Apt Personal Training & Portable Pilates
Co-Creator of LifeART