Let yourself cry

The subtle art of letting yourself cry

Written across end of Sept to late Dec 2025

Often I write as an outlet - not necessarily to share - however it felt like the right time to share this on 20 Dec 2025 . . .

28.9.25

It’s AFL Grand Final day . . . a day many Aussies live for & brings a nation together to enjoy what are traditional festivities around a sport many Aussies love.

I am an Aussie who grew up obsessed with ballet from age 5 - by 13 I spent much of my life in a ballet studio & my mind did not compute the AFL world except I had an uncle who was heavily involved with the Hawthorn Footy club.

My 2 sons briefly did Auskick but were more basketball kids & rowing for their secondary school lives.

My obsession with ballet - was a world I could escape to - in order to try to perfect myself. That said that world was where everything about me, was not right or not good enough. . . the world I grew up in - to mentally direct myself & try to change every little thing. (also in reflection, the many hours spent in the ballet studio, was an escape from a turbulant family life - into a dance world of movement & music I absolutely loved!)

That isn’t really what this is about - what truley hit me today - is the relief & release I now give to myself when I have the privacy of solo-ness. I don’t want to call it alone & certainly not lonely - it’s giving myself patient private permission to be fully present with my emotions. If past experiences, suffering & pain come up - I CAN cry - I can fully let go & release it. It’s a form of acknowledgement & self compassion. Maybe in ways I craved from others but never experienced - here it is for me to feel, cry the tears of every emotion it evokes & let it run down my face . . . soften out of my body - become free in a way it needed to, but didn’t know how until now.

Sometimes - it happens at the end of a huge working week - when I’ve held it together - been teaching, creating & giving from my heart & spirit to others. This is beautiful - but it can deplete me - unless I come back to myself & my own inner spirit.

As a child & often we are told - ‘don’t cry’, but this is usually the other person saying - I can’t or don’t want to see or deal with your soft deep raw emotions - keep them inside to yourself. As babies - it’s the first form of communication we have - I cry because that’s the only way I can show I am confused, my tummy hurts or I need attention & nurturing. Yet we suppress crying as we develop as human adults. It becomes less acceptable & indicates ‘we don’t have our 💩 together’. At least that’s the way I was brought up.

I know when I had what one might calls a ‘breakdown’, I was overwhelmed with the sudden loss of my 58 year old Dad & had a delayed reaction to my 20 year old sisters sudden tragic death, 7 years previous to his. I was working crazy hours with the Victoria State Opera, to avoid this feeling (deep loss & grief) I literally started crying & could not stop for about 2 weeks - it poured out of me - the valve was open!

I resigned from my job as Company Stage Manager - the company gave me time off with pay to think about it and ‘get better’. But the truth was - I had not let go for so long I had worked myself into the ground & my mind & body was completely overwhelmed & in disconnected pieces.

This experience is a deep sad memory for me . . . but it did gradually over the years, help me make friends with crying. I have truley made peace with ‘let go’ days - where I put on music & give myself space & grace to feel. Nothing specific - just space & some patience & care for my inner child & spirit (as Gabor Mate says - ‘the heart feels’) So often I will have tears rolling down my cheeks, a memory will come up, someone I miss I’ve lost, a suffering I am starting to heal from & can acknowledge some baby steps have been taken to heal. That the residue of past pain still lingers, I can acknowledge it, let it go or let it soften a little.    

In 2025 - I reflect and know I have done a lot of work on my internal self. This has come in dollops of beautiful experiences and deep learning I created for myself. It is nothing to do with a victim mentality or selfish indulgence, and everything to do with courageous deep softening and feeling. Where through different amazing and difficult experiences and learning, I am open to understanding what and who I am TODAY & why.

The old saying ‘we only know what we know and do the best we can with what we have’, is a wise & self compassionate reminder. Seeking without expectation, new learning & growth, through adventures and people we are authentically connected to, through love. We are open to learn and grow, we become ourselves in a new knowing and frequency. This has happened exponentially to me in 2025.

I’ve read books that gave me new strategies to exist, cope and heal. I’ve enrolled in new intensive learning courses in places I’ve never been with people I’ve never met. I’ve travelled to re-connect with those I love and are my chosen friendship family of nearly 50 years. I’ve created my fill your cup experiences that are my passion, and love to do in life things. I have spent time just feeling grateful, walking in nature and leading with love for my amazing sons, partners and my new granddaughter of 15 weeks (when this was written - she is now 25 weeks). I have found a peace and awareness from within that I am enough, I am not perfect and that is absolutely OK. MOVEMENT, MUSIC AND BREATHWORK have taken on a whole new form and appreciation. They have evolved more deeply into what I embody. And a wise beautiful deep soulful newer friend, showed me that my response-ability is not firstly to my clients, family or friends - it is to myself. I can show my love in ways I choose, without expectation & letting go of social conditioning (that’s a huge one I learned about relating back to first 7 years of childhood - it causes so much suffering)

A new unexpected hurdle has presented itself in the past week. Without explaining what it is, it will not resolve itself quickly. It will require me to carry out many steps to get through it and find some peace. Right now it feels like standing at the foot of climbing Mt Everest. My conscious mind is already playing games with me, it’s dragging up past emotions attached to past experiences (yep connected to my family all gone & a long relationship that I finished 5 years ago) Is the universe giving me a new challenge to sort through - a wound I did not really know was yet to heal, because it’s time I did? Oh the layers it will unpack, I don’t even consciously know exist yet . . . however my responsible head says, do the right thing & get on with this reasonable request. My deeply still felt wounded self - wants to run and hide. . . THAT in itself says it ALL! MY trigger, MY wound, MY response-ability!

11.10.25

It’s Saturday again - 2 weeks later from when I began writing this. I’ve had a huge first week of my term, it’s been great, but I craved solo-ness and reflection today. I am grateful to have a quiet SaturGAZE again with myself. I’ve already had some tears evoked from the wise, logical words of Gabor Mate - my inner child suddenly wanting comfort and re-assurance & a big safe hug. Just writing these #rawandreal words brings a stream of tears again . . . 🥹

I could write SO much, but the point of this piece is to be at peace with crying and deep reflection time. It is like clearing out pipes that have potential to get blocked, the pressure valve on the coffee machine I release every time I clean the nozzle after frothing milk for my coffee. This is what crying freely, does for me, and perhaps for you in the future too.

20.12.25

Update before putting on my APT Website:

Given the events of just over one week ago on 15.12.25 at Bondi, I find needing to cry is important in the process of a deep grief touching me & every Australian. We all need to feel compassion for the innocent people killed and their family & friends, we all need to step up to acknowledge & support our Australian Jewish community. We also need to feel & acknowledge what deep emotions it reaches into within our own lives. In my own case, the father of my 2 sons is a Jew and so is my partner of 17 years - half of my life has been walking alongside a Jewish partner & extended family. While we are not religious people, we have always celebrated and acknowledged our backgrounds and encouraged sense of family through both Jewish & Christian family gatherings. With so much tragic early loss of my own immediate family, some of the traditions of these gatherings fell away in the last few years. I chose to focus & find support in close friendships. I pray that the arrival of the first of the next generation will naturally bring some of us back together. Families have their complexities and this may take some time, but leading with love will be my guide as I go with the flow.

I encourage you to acknowledge how you feel as the events of the horrific Bondi massacre unfolds, what it taps into personally and give yourself permission to cry. Tears full of deep emotions from your own life & how it & you relate to what has happened in our amazing country (Australia).

I have sent a 30 minute movement & breath session designed to calm, balance, soften and heal to my APT community this week.

You are welcome to access it free here:

https://youtu.be/1oEsFtfimB4?si=BTPnjxwfDGCiTG1Z

All things APT can be found here:

https://linktr.ee/AndreaGazeAPT

Go well & let yourself cry.

Andrea 🙋🏻😊💜